Fatal Attraction: Of dangerous men and the women who attract them
This got me hot feet from the moment they started advertising, I felt like I should have been at the venue waiting for the day to come! The conversations teasers were soooo me, finally someone got me! My friend Koffian was wondering what the hype was all about; to her a dangerous man is a physically abusive man. But for me, I knew, I had experienced a dangerous man but not in the physical manifestation.
I had dated one dangerous man after another hadi to some point I thought someone had cursed me and died, dooming me to an eternity of unhappy relationships. I crave for stability and reliability when it comes to a relationship but somehow I end up with drama and the type of guys who fall me SMH!!! God forbid. Not that I am that choosy or anything but please can I get my prince charming already!?
So, I walk into All Saints Trinity hall all dressed up like I am going on a date, except Udada is not there! And instead of the smiley ladies with the pink flowers, I am met by men in black. Hold up, did God answer my prayers of prince charming that first? Ummmmh, maybe not, so I check my phone to confirm if it is exactly Tuesday or somehow my excitement managed to get the best of me. I ask one of ‘them’ and he directs me to the other side a ‘St something’. Which I realize I had passed in my haste to meet this Ian Isherwood guy, today’s speaker.
You can never be 100% sure about someone but there are red flags you can look out for before you are swiped away into the dreamy world of love. But first, you have to understand and accept yourself. Because if you are clear on your values and what ticks for you, then you won’t feel the need to constantly compare yourself to others and when that prince charming finally walks through the door you are confident on what you want.
The best relationship you can have is with yourself. Sounds cliché, right? But coming down to it, if you are insecure and have no clear boundaries or values then anyone can look like prince charming to you, it is easy to be convinced to try out some things in a relationship that are completely not you. So to start with, make a list of why someone should date you. Know who you are and what you can offer in a relationship.
As Laimani came on stage for part 2 of the evening to talk about how to manage if you are already married to a dangerous man, a kind of burden that I did not know I had carried was lifted up. See, one thing about dating a dangerous man, they make you think that you are the one with a problem.
It would be much easier to tell you to pack and leave if you are married to a dangerous man, but walking away is not a snap decision. But, you would know if a lion is about to pounce on you. Duck, this is not the time to be a strong woman. Your time to be vocal will come but when the lion is resting, take this time to express yourself, be firm and clear.
Danger is clearly in the eyes of the beholder. Who is a dangerous man to you could mean a totally different thing to someone else. Some pointers though on who is a dangerous man; an addict, a man without hope, without a vision, with nothing to lose, without accountability or without regard to human life and dignity. A bored man is a dangerous man and most importantly a perverted man is a dangerous man.
And while we are on the subject of who are the dangerous men, it is in order to distil some myths about them. Power, wealth, great looks and short are not some of the qualities of a dangerous man.